Tell us a little bit about yourself
My name is Emma. I live in an unextraordinary town in Surrey, England near some trees and some shops. Currently my job is working on the meat and fish counter at your local supermarket and I just gut fish and arrange them in cheery poses and drop expensive pieces of meat on the floor. I get some money too which I’m attempting to save so I can go travelling and meet some awesome people with interesting stories.
I like art and have perfected the skill of making people look awful with my blind-drawings. Also photography (digital and film) and going to cool places like museums, old abandoned hospitals, theme parks, arcades (where I can beat absolutely anyone at Mario Kart, seriously, I’m super talented at that game), and watching the sun set on the beach.
Also I like writing stuff – I’m currently writing a book about all manner of things like the plight of the cactus and magical underwater adventures and I’m very excited because it’s going to be great.
And I have two heads.
What one thing are you most proud of in your years so far?
I’ve done lots of things I’m very proud of and there are just so many – I have so much to be proud about. I ate 5 doughnuts in a row, I’m so good at sarcasm people think I’m being serious, I can raise my eyebrows separately, I did a tattoo of a Space Invader on my hand, once I nearly dropped something but caught it in the nick of time, sometimes I can make music play out of my mouth by putting an earphone up each nostril, I survived crashing my car after I decided to drive to Wales, I can memorize any single digit number for a day and when I don’t wash my hair for a few days it literally sticks on end which is kind of impressive.
There is probably no end to my talents. I would definitely go as far as saying I am exceptionally talented.
What one thing do you hope to have achieved by the age of 100?
I would very much like to be a solar powered robot by the age of 100 by gradually replacing my limbs with robotic ones as they gradually wear out or fall off. This would put me in an ideal position to feed the lions at the zoos, check out some awesome shipwrecks and visit the moon to find out if it is really made of cheese – one of life’s greatest mysteries.
And I would look so cool everyone would give me so many jealous looks and I could literally go wherever I wanted. I mean I could just walk through a solid patch of stingy nettles and emerge unscathed, I could bury myself and set metal detectors off for a little joke and conduct electricity very effectively.
I would also like to be best friends with the cookie monster. Man, that would be cool.
What challenges do you think our planet will face over the next 100 years?
There is a lot of problems our planet is facing already so assuming we don’t all get wiped out by the zombie apocalypse then I suppose a lot of things will just get worse.
Because of global warming, polar bears and penguins will no longer have icy homes to live in and I suppose we will take responsibility for them and keep them in our fridges and they could hand ice-cubes out to us in exchange for ice-cream or whatever they eat.
Also because of the massive totally not-exaggerated threat of music piracy, record companies will take extreme measures to prevent people wanting to illegally download music. Basically music will just be random beeps, people burping and white noise so no one will want to download it and therefore not want to illegally download it.
And there will be a new Apple iPhone and it will be a bit faster and brighter than the other one.
What piece of advice would you give to your 10 year old self?
One day you will buy a Magic-8 Ball and you must listen to everything it says, it is very wise. It is particularly wise with difficult decisions that cannot be decided by a simple coin flip.
Also don’t give your sea monkeys vodka – they don’t get drunk and do tricks.
Third life lesson: people in your life will change – sorry kid, but it’s true. But the good thing is they are chumps anyway, you’ll meet way cooler people and why would you want my advice anyway? It’s your life – do what you want. But don’t kill anyone – that’s illegal.
Also you should learn all the moves to the Macarena now because you’re going to look really stupid at the school disco if you jump in the wrong direction again.